A Letter to Heaven

Dear little sister,

It all started with me finishing your rice cereal, washing your cloth diapers, screamed at you (more like making a fuss with mom) to stop you from climbing the hundred layers window.

Your very classic red bareback dress mom made for you that everyone exclaimed how sexy you were.

You claimed my favorite panda bear and then the monkeys in the park snatched it away from you.

First lesson learned (probably not): No bad deed goes unpunished!

You and your teddy bears...

Your 2 boyfriends running around with you in countless gatherings and birthday parties when you were a toddler.

You never refuse to bring a drink or fetch the pillow, but you fought your way to get what you want when you want it.

You were one deadly potion mixed with obedience and stubbornness.

I left home when you were still a little girl. I did not grow up with you to know much about how you feel most of the time. Especially how you were like during you teenage years.

I remember those late night calls you made to me, crying and sobbing, complaining about how you were misunderstood and how you would love to know how to be better.

You found comfort in leading others, to better yourself and earned your respect in finding solutions to everything.

I know you missed dad a lot. You could never understand how it's like to grow up with him, even for just a little moment that you could remember is almost none.

The first time you told me a secret because you trusted me. I held it real hard even after the real first fight we had.

I know we had "disowned" each other many times for stupid reasons, but I have never stop loving you.

You have always been a sister I couldn't understand.

You are just so enigmatic...

You chose to keep the distance so we could not question.

I know you have tried...

You have tried to be a better daughter to mom.

You have tried to be a better sister to us.

You have always been a good friend to your friends.

You have always been a good adviser.

When Shi Shi and the gang performed that afternoon, many of us was touched by what you have done to the others.

They strive because of your encouragement.

They are successful because of the messages you've been sending them.

They kept their spirit up by following your leadership.

I was very very impressed. I wish we have done the same with you...

I truly cherish the closeness we had shared with each other. That is what I sorely missed.

I am not going ask "why" and "if only".

I just want to tell you that mom misses you terribly and we are very proud of you.

I love you...

Don't forget to send our regards to dad...

Your equally stupid and stubborn sisters...

Depression is a hard demon to deal with. It's like living in a deep dark hole which no one could understand. A person living with depression who doesn't know it, or do not acknowledge it could appear to be cheerful and positive. The difficult part is what's going on in their mind when they are alone.

Whatever it is, we need support from friends and family from time to time. Not one of us are capable to deal with our own emotion and problems. We can surrender our problem to God, but we should also know God gives us friends and family for that reason.